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Theatrics: A Quarantine Struggle

April 29, 2020 By Caroline Trudeau 2 Comments

Reading Time: < 1 minute

This is a self-portrait.

Despite the pep talks and the energy I give, these times are extremely difficult, also for me. I barely kept my shit together at work today. And tonight, I am struggling to find perspective.  I question whether I have the cognitive and emotional athleticism to be who I want to be. I experience self-doubt I have never known existed in me before. I don’t even recognize myself.

Yet, I got a glimpse of myself in a mirror around the house, after the deluge of sadness that followed my last “Be well” greeting today.  So I captured her. I don’t want to forget the strength I will undoubtedly find when I dig so deep to find myself hopeful again. And the commitment I make to believing in myself.  Again. Grounded, graceful, grateful.

I was supposed to be somewhere else, accomplishing something big, and feeling a different way today. But finally, I let go. I grieve.

I honor my feelings as I celebrate lifting the shame of the decisions that brought me here. I don’t want to hide her. This is who I am.

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  1. Maman says

    April 29, 2020 at 21:21

    You are all that you want to be, don’t forget that. This is just a rough passage and the greatness will happen again and you will be even better at what you love being and doing. I believe in you and other people do too.
    Love you so much, maman xo

    Reply
  2. Liza S. says

    April 29, 2020 at 22:12

    Fairly confident that this very self-portrait and accompanying narrative is the very strength you’re looking for. I see a super graceful, generously vulnerable, powerful lady.

    Reply

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